There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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