Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
