You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
