True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
