Just fell off a train. Bad.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
