hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Randomize
