Princesses don't give blow jobs
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
