He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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