you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
17 year olds will be the death of me.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
