Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Randomize
