The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
