Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
