she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
