we should wear snuggies to the strip club
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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