one might say we're banned from that church
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
