I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
