hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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