I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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