Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
