my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
All the doctor said was why
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