I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Randomize
