It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Randomize
