Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
