I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
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