just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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