I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
