she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Randomize
