Yo dont text me then not text me
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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