I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
