I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Randomize
