Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
