At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Randomize
