I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Randomize
