I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
