Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Randomize
