I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
