I need help removing her.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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