I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
be right there i have to get my cape
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
