Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
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