who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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