Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
