Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
