I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
