I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I just found puke in my bra..
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
