My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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