i can't believe i had my finger in that
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
