YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
