Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
My liver is preforming stress tests.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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