First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
