M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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