im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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