Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
