Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
