i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Randomize
