I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
soo... how was my night?
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
