I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
