so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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