so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
