He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
